I hate how I try so hard to prevent things from happening “the wrong way” just to end up hanging upside down, heels over head. Seconds ago I was head over heels. How does this happen?
A two week intense romance, is just that. Intense. But I’m a romantic, and didn’t listen to the intensity too much. On our first date I felt pulled towards him. This stranger cloaked in shadow, hidden behind cigarette smoke. He was so different than the others. Tattoos on both arms, sunglasses on a cloudy Monday evening. He felt reckless. I’ve only felt that strong of a tug one other time, and that also only lasted two weeks. But I didn’t listen to Logic. I heard it, felt its warning, but then let myself get charmed anyways. Luck of the Irish.
I thought that communication was my issue. The others didn’t work because I didn’t say what was on my mind when I should have. So I took that into consideration. Hey, this is really fast. Hey, do you wanna slow down? Hey, I’m safe being single, this is scary. Emotions are scary. You can still leave. Leave now rather than later. I don’t want this to start fast and end fast.
We were pretending to watch a movie when he pinky swore he wasn’t going to leave. He told me over and over again he wouldn’t leave. When he said it wouldn’t end like it began. When he said all the pretty things every girl wants to hear. Friday night he told me I was his. Told me to take a selfie and send it to my mom, proclaiming I had a boyfriend. What a joke.
Tuesday morning came and everything changed. He was right when he told me last night that he would break my heart. And I was right in that it started fast and ended fast. So here’s to me being blind sighted via text this morning. The only explanation being that it’s him, not me. You know how that goes. And maybe I’m a fool to believe this too, but I do. I kept him in the loop with what was going on with me. I did what I could, and I’m happy that I was brave enough this time to open up about my doubts and fears. It saddens me that he couldn’t do the same in return, and it angers me that he knew what I was afraid of, and turned it into a reality. He could have left earlier. But at least he didn’t stay longer. And at least I didn’t have to do the dumping for him.
Things will get better, I’m one relationship smarter (I hope!), and I still have all of Dublin at my feet.
We’re off to a rough start that’s for sure, but my year here is just beginning.