Different trains of thought

When it comes to “winding down my summer” the right way, I’ve found I’m not very good at that. While I should probably be letting myself ease into “real life” i.e. stay in Middelburg for IntroWeek, I will instead be doing one last whirlwind trip around the continent before I will be stuck in one place for more than a month. Four countries in two weeks? I got this.

During my three week vacation from vacation, I’ve had a lot of time to think, reflect, relax, and get back into the mundane swing of things. I even had enough time to get bored! As much as I despise boredom when there is so much you could be doing that you actually want to do, I think being bored occasionally is good for you, just like going on vacation. You do things you wouldn’t normally do.

For example, it was out of boredom that I deep cleaned my room and reorganized it. I redesigned cardboard boxes so that they wouldn’t be too ugly to use as storage space. Yesterday I even dragged a huge heavy couch across Middelburg hoping it would fit in my room (yes, lots of people stared and commented), just to find out when we got it to my house, it wouldn’t fit up the stairs! My common room now has a lovely new couch, and I still have a sad couchless bedroom. Sigh.

Other than not measuring the width of my stairs with accuracy, the stupidest thing I have done can either be giving Sem a new haircut in the middle of the night, or “applying” to join Raya, a dating app meant exclusively for the beautiful rich and famous that I didn’t even know existed until 24hrs ago. Considering I have 200 followers on Instagram (half of them probably being spam accounts) and have a new job (this time it’s for real!) at a chic hotel as a maid, I think I stand a fighting chance at being accepted as part of the club. My dream of marrying Zac Efron is about to become a reality.

All giggles aside, I have noticed one thing about me that I find curious. I’ve also noticed it with countless others, predominately when I think about my time in Hvar. When people are on holiday, they tend to be exaggerated versions of themselves in everyday life. All of a sudden, people are more attractive, reckless, interesting and braver…and also stupider. When I’m traveling, I can strike up a conversation with any stranger about anything in any situation, and not feel as awkward about it as usual. I’m not going to go in detail about the things I’ve done while away, but for the most part, you can best believe that my self-confidence is higher than average, and my consequential reasoning skills are more likely to be ignored in comparison to straight-laced Krista. It seems the opposite is also true for me. When I’m bored, I do stupid stuff as well. Maybe this is all in my head and I’m just a person that does stupid stuff regardless of my circumstances, but I’d like to think otherwise.

Which leads into my final train of thought for the moment: I’d like to find more of a balance between my vacation self, and my every day self now that the school year is approaching and it’s almost time to get serious again. I’d like to take the confidence and carefree attitude of holiday me, and bring that into my academics and free time. It’s so nice not worrying so much about what other people might think of you when you’re on vacation, because the chances of seeing them again (unless you actually want to) are next to nothing. Go ahead, be loud and obnoxious whenever you want, because you’re never going to see them again. Whereas in a community of 600 students, everyone knows everything, and you will see them again, and again, and again. There’s a reason why separation of church and state became a thing in the Enlightenment.

But I’d like to be a bit braver this semester, a bit more open-minded, and believe in myself more, like Krista on vacation. There’s a difference in the types of confidence between knowing and believing. And I want the added confidence boost that the belief in oneself brings with it.  I feel like that’s what I wanted at the beginning of last semester too, but then again, who doesn’t want to be more confident?



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